


all dead hearts

by warlike



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Flirting, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-26
Updated: 2012-12-26
Packaged: 2017-11-22 10:51:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/609032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/warlike/pseuds/warlike
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For a Ladyfest request; Rose decides to prove to Dave that she is just as good at Troll Romance and getting the ladies as he is, not better. Things don't go exactly as planned when she tries to flirt with pretty much every lady Dancestor troll possible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	all dead hearts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Trombonesonmars](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trombonesonmars/gifts).



> This is mostly if not entirely fluff.

When Dave makes the claim that he's at least a hell of a lot better at the whole "troll romance thing" than you are, it sparks up some forgotten feelings of one-upmanship. You make the decision to prove that you are completely capable of getting the ladies, too, and way more successfully than your overly confident ecto-brother. You'll have to think of a more articulate, and possibly more elegantly worded victory speech later. First things first, though; getting a troll lady.

 

Until recently, your choices would have been limited to Terezi, whose endearing names such as Lady Lemonsicle kind of creep you out and who might be in cahoots with Dave, and Kanaya, who really you already have a blooming courtship with so that's not even fair. Now, however, there is also the network of dream bubbles with the Dancestors roaming inside.

 

\---

 

You try first with Porrim, who seems like a logical choice given your aforementioned red hued interactions with Kanaya. But as Porrim talks about oppression and the significant flaws in the hemospectrum regardless of what iteration of troll culture it exists in, you find yourself barely _mm_ ing and _yeah_ ing every now and then. Finally, Porrim pauses and with a concerned expression asks if she is boring you. You _yeah_ again before realizing what she's asked and then you are apologizing and blushing and lying, claiming you just realized you need to tell her dancestor something and must go.

 

Next, you try the punk sea princess who at least seems a lot more likely to not forget that you really – reely – don't know enough about troll culture to have a political stance on it. Things go smoothly for a bit, actually. The two of you bounce off nautical puns for a time and you're both smiling and laughing and then she says that you know, for a human you're not too bad. But the part of you that loves competition says that you think she could be better, and maybe she should lay off the self-flattery a tadpole. Then she's scowling at you and threatening her with that 2x3dent. You try to backpedal, but Meenah is a hurricane when it comes to her temper. You end up having to run away, thankful for all the years spent practicing Lass Absconds.

 

Maybe you can tell Dave you successfully made it to the black quadrant, at least. You have a feeling that would not be a surprise to anyone, though. You are well practiced in the art of irritating and manipulating people. Which you're pretty sure is the point of caliginous relationships? Maybe? It's really starting to peeve you that you don't know everything about this troll romance business after all. Your interest in psychology is just too much to allow such a flaw and besides, it makes it a lot easier for Dave to win this competition. Even if it is a competition he doesn't actually know he is competing in.

 

You decide to avoid Meulin because you don't have a wealth of gifs at your disposal and can't be certain of how the Bubblr interface even works. You are beginning to realize maybe a lot of this silly, somewhat vindictive quest is based on your own faux confidence. It is a recurring theme in your life, after all, and the last time it happened you ended up literally unable to communicate to anyone.  And then dead, temporarily.  Still, you want to at least keep trying.

 

As far as Meulin goes, though, you're not sure if she wouldn't want more puns and you're really not in the mood. You refuse to give up, even if it was all just mental posturing.  It's not like you have told anyone your plans, at least; you can save yourself some embarrassment.

 

So the next one to try is Latula because if Terezi was too much, then Aradia's ancestor is way more than you can ever handle. As it is, what you know of her indicates that it might be too easy for your current self affirming purposes, anyway. Latula it is.

 

Except you wince pretty much every time she says the word "rad" and you have to bite your tongue to keep from suggesting a more interesting word.  Or perhaps ask if there is such a thing as a troll thesaurus, because surely there is.  After a while, you begin to doubt your ability to keep passive aggressive comments to yourself and leave, saying you have a rad girl thing to do. She high fives you and you think your arm is going to hurt for a long while after.

 

Aranea appears to be otherwise occupied explaining things to Meenah, like why it is not a good idea to make death threats at new friends. Even silly blonde broads who imply they're better than you, queen of the glubbin sea, universe n' stuff. You decide that perhaps for your own safety it's a good idea to leave Aranea to it. Even if your flirtations have failed miserably, you'd still like to be able to come back to the dream bubble without being in immediate danger of getting stabbed 2x3 times.  So you slink back towards the entrance to the meteor.

 

Unfortunately, you realize this means that despite there being six troll ladies, you were not able to woo a single one of them.  You have failed entirely and it is even possible that Strider is better at this than you are. Or maybe his internet fame is just a lot more appealing that silly wizard fan fiction you refuse to show to anyone. Defeated, you return to the library-like room you and Kanaya share most of the time.

 

You find Kanaya glowing near her sewing machine. She looks up from the hem of a dress and smiles at you. "Hello Rose."

 

"Kanaya, am I bad at flirting?" You sit down beside her and put your head in her lap. The two of you have gotten to a comfort level of being able to lean on each other often, both literally and metaphorically. "I think I am bad at flirting."

 

"I Do Not Know How Human Flirting Works, Rose, I'm Sorry," she says, setting aside the dress in favor of tangling a few fingers through your hair.

"But troll flirting?"

"No,You Are Not The Best At It." There was absolutely no hesitation there.

"Oh."

"That's What I Like About You," she clarifies," If You Were Some Kind Of Genius At Romance Shenanigans, It'd Just Be More Of The Same Manipulation I Have Always Endured. I Like You Because You Are Just Yourself. You Don't Really Flirt, Actually, Now That I Think About It."

"You don't mind all the weird quirks that come with me being myself?"

"Rose, A Lot Troll Culture Is Based On Quirks."

"Typing quirks aren't—"

"It's What I Like The Most About You."

"Really?" You kind of want to make a joke about being a blond bank or something, but when you look up at Kanaya's expression you think now is not the time. And also that maybe she is even serious about what she's saying.

 

"Really," she confirms and leans down to peck your forehead. Maybe you don't need to be good at troll flirting to be good at troll romance after all.

 


End file.
